So the Olympics are going on and that’s really great.  Good job winter Olympics.  You made it.  See, every four years the winter olympics comes around, it shows up sort of thing, and every four years people get all surprised and start to high five it.  ”God damn!  good for it.  it made it another year.”  People say that shit because the winter olympics are shit.  The games are amateur hour.  Compared to the Summer Olympics, the winter ones are barely worth bronze.  Why?  Well because of the medal count difference.

In 2008 the Summer Olympics took place somewhere in China.  958 medals were awarded.  In 2004 the Summer Olympics handed out 929 medals.

In 2006 the Winter Olympics took place somewhere in Italy.  252 medals were awarded, up 18 medals from 4 years before.  252.  That’s basically a quarter of the medals that would be handed out two years later at the summer olympics.  One fourth of the medals!  And yet still the Summer Olympics holds on to ballroom dancing.

Anyway, it was with these figures in my head that I went to see Crazy Heart starring the white russian Jeff Bridges.  I felt like handing out some extra winter medals to the previews I sat through before the movie started while I dipped my chips into the garlic herb dip.

First Preview:  Cyrus

Okay, straight off the bat this looks like an awesome film.  This one is getting a medal.  It’s on the podium.  The preview is on the podium.  The film though?  The film has been doping.  After you see this one, I bet you you’re going to have some “What the fuck?” type feelings.  This is going to be a serious film more so than a funny film.  I heard jazz music.  That’s all I’m saying.  Still, gold medal preview.

Second preview:  Greenberg

Hey!  It’s Ben Stiller!  The shoveling snow portion of this olympic preview!  Well for once, we need our driveways shoveled.  This looks good.  I wish I could be more of a dickhead about this, but I can’t.  Good job Ben Stiller, you snow shoveled sidewalk you.  Gold medal.

Third preview:  The Wolfman  Robin Hood Gladiator 2

Sweet.  A movie to hate on.  At first I thought this preview was for The Wolfman starring Benicio del Toro.  Then I saw Russell Crowe (who I think is all right).  I realized the movie was the Robin Hood movie.  But I was wrong.  It’s not Robin Hood movie.  No.  It’s just fucking Gladiator movie a thousand years later.  Ridley Scott is a little like Tony Scott…  Style over substance at times.  Honestly, thinking about this movie has put me to sleep.  I’m tired now.  Gladiator sucked.  It was a terrible movie.  Robin Hood preview looks like the same movie as Gladiator.  Ergo, Robin Hood faults.  Stepped over the line, Robin Hood.  Disqualified.   The only thing it’s got going for it is Cate Blanchett.  Guess what?  She’s in the preview for maybe 2 seconds.  Should have been the rest of my dreams.  No podium.

preview four:  Disney presents “Oceans”

This reminds me of like a blind guy at safeway with a shitload of groceries accidentally lining up at the 5 items or less check out.  How do you complain about that?  You can’t.  You just sit there and take it.  Is it in the wrong place?  Sure.  Is it spell binding?  You’re god damn right it is.

Fifth preview:  Date Night

Last 5 posts by brad

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